Track & Smash
by WarioMan3K
Summary: Furious at her humiliating defeat, Siren Bomber personally leads Mosquito Bomber, Boxer Bomber, and Trigger Bomber back into Game Central Station through the usage of Mosquito's latest invention: a cloning device which makes digital copies of themselves in hopes of bypassing GCS security. Therefore, they have but one thing in mind of getting even with the "Core Four"...


This Wreck-It Ralph short fic of mine takes place after "WarioWare: Arcade Mania!", so be sure to read it first if you haven't already. Other than that, enjoy!"

**DISCLAIMER: Wreck-It Ralph is owned by Disney, Bomberman is a property of Hudson Soft albeit in Konami's hands as of March 2012. Contra and Track & Field belong to Konami. The only characters I own in this fic are Blaze Bomber (one of the heroic "Contras" in my Diamond City Chronicles series), along with Purple Basilisk and the five Chaotic Bombers.**

* * *

-Track & Smash-

One evening, way down in the underworld, Siren Bomber was fuming about how she suffered a humiliating defeat at Sergeant Tamora Jean "T.J." Calhoun's hands. She wanted to get back at her in hopes of kidnapping and brainwashing Fix-It Felix Jr., but ever since the failed attempt at conquering Game Central Station, she and the other four evil Bombers - along with their master, Purple Basilisk - were unable to virtualize themselves again. However, Mosquito Bomber figured out a way to work around the problem at hand, although Warlock Bomber dismissed her as having nothing better to contribute for rebuilding the Basilisk Dynasty.

"Say, whatcha got there this time?" asked Trigger Bomber.

"Just a little invention that'll help us bypass through the underworld," answered Mosquito Bomber, "and into Game Central Station on the surface at Blaze Bomber's Diamond Arcade World, without the need of a fancy helmet."

Boxer Bomber scoffed. "Ahh, forget it! That dumb place ain't worth taking over, even if we do round up a bunch of Cy-Bugs, Terminator robots, and alien Xenomorphs!"

"Only because of that yucky Calhoun!" shouted Siren Bomber. "Everybody's motivated to help make certain that such incidents like a Cy-Bug invasion don't happen again. Oooh, if only I could get my hands on her, kidnap and brainwash Felix, and use his magic hammer to not only convert this run-down hideout into a stronghold, but to also rebuild our alien army _without_ the need to rely on Lords Red Falcon, Sniper Bomber, and Axe Bomber to do so!"

Though the Chaotic Bombers had indeed attempted to pick up where Turbo left off by conquering Game Central Station, it was Siren Bomber's attitude and obsession with brainwashing Felix that eventually caused their operation to end in failure - not to mention committing mutiny by stubbornly forcing Purple Basilisk out of the area as a means to taking matters into her own hands. In the end, she was killed in a combined explosion from her own bombs while she was in her monstrous form. A few days since, Purple Basilisk was able to resurrect her back to life.

In the meantime, Mosquito Bomber explained what she had been working on tonight. "The glass tank you see before your eyes is in fact a cloning device, though it functions a bit different from all those other generic cloners you might've seen already. See, when you step inside and activate it, it'll generate a digital form of yourself, which is then programmed through the computer with your personality. And voila! Free to explore the digital world as you please, without having to lift a finger...just as long as you remember to log your digitized clone out in time."

Trigger Bomber was impressed. "Heh, sounds promising! Let's inform Warlock and master Purple Basilisk about this!"

Boxer Bomber, however, had second thoughts. "No need for that, since I feel ready to squash Wreck-It Ralph and his merry friends' brains out!"

"You know they're gonna find out something's amiss whenever our plan goes into action without their permission."

"Oh, quit being such a worrywart, Trigger!" reassured Siren. "Seriously, that's outta character for one such as you who's supposed to be 'trigger-happy'. Now, here's what we're gonna do..."

* * *

Nearly an hour later, the four Chaotic Bombers cloned themselves and had their digital selves go directly to Game Central Station. No sooner had they located Ralph, Vanellope, Felix, and Calhoun, but rather than attempt to delete them permanently, Siren had something else in mind. "Since we know you're gonna boot us out again, we're gonna settle this in a _fair_ manner."

"Gee, I dunno..." said Felix.

"Hey, what's to be afraid of? It's simply better this way, that we determine the fate of Game Central Station in...say, _Track & Field_?"

Trigger Bomber added, "No Terminator bots, no Xenomorphs, and no Cy-Bugs in store. But more importantly, no fancy tricks of yours!"

"I don't trust you freaks since you give _Bomberman_ a bad name," said Calhoun.

"Aw, c'mon!" complained Mosquito Bomber. "What's not to trust? You win, we stop attempting to use your Game Central Station as a stepping stone towards rebuilding the Basilisk Dynasty."

Boxer Bomber chuckled. "But if you lose...you must give us Felix and his hammer! Just imagine how great its true potential would be in _better_ hands, if you foos catch my drift! It could even put Bison's Shadaloo organization to shame!"

Calhoun retorted, "I'd rather let a Cy-Bug ingest me than let you take Fix-It away."

"Not so fast, bimbo!" Siren Bomber interrupted. "You're all playing by _our_ rules now! This is the one offer you can't refuse, because we've secretly swiped an Atomic Cherry Bomb from _Sugar Rush_! You refuse, KA-BLOOEY!"

Vanellope gasped in response "Huh?! But...but we never had that kinda Cherry Bomb...do we?" Siren Bomber grinned at her deviously. "Uh, I mean yes! Yes, we do!"

Ralph whispered in the child racer's ears, "But there never was one in your game..."

Calhoun sighed in defeat. "Fine, it's a deal...but you too will follow three of _our_ rules. One: No weapons or dirty tricks. This isn't _Crash 'n the Boys_, just so you know. Two: No Cy-Bugs, aliens, or rogue robots to assist you. And three - that means you, Boxer Bomber - no superhuman strength."

"No way!" complained Boxer Bomber. "That's MY specialty, and don't you forget it! But since you asked us so nicely, I guess we'll let it slide."

"Hold up a sec, that was four things!" interrupted Trigger Bomber.

"First one's a two-parter," said Ralph.

The four digitized clones of the Chaotic Bombers thought it over, but then decided to agree since they issued their own conditions first. Despite Siren Bomber's claim about having stolen an Atomic Cherry Bomb, there never really was one at all...at least as far as the people of _Sugar Rush_ knew. It didn't take much for Ralph to figure out that Siren Bomber said it all to scare him and his friends into accepting their challenge. Afterwards, everybody shook each other's hands, while Calhoun insisted the evil Bombermen and women show both hands in case they were secretly crossing fingers behind their backs just like any other villain would do.

* * *

Later, the competition began at Konami's _Track & Field_ with the _Sugar Rush_ racers as part of the audience. The first event was the 100 Meter Dash, with two competitors from opposing teams taking turns at a time (given the game's limitation on how many players show up onscreen at once, even during three/four-player sessions). Calhoun competed against Siren Bomber, while Ralph went up against Boxer Bomber. Both teams came out dashing, only to end in a draw with Ralph and Siren Bomber as the victors for the opposing teams. But Sour Bill, representing _Sugar Rush_ as the announcer, examined each competitor's time carefully, and declared the Chaotic Bombers as the winners with Siren having finished _after_ Ralph and Calhoun did.

"You only beat me cause I'm more into strength than speed, but Siren beat you too!" boasted Boxer Bomber. "An eye for an eye!"

"Hmph. She only got lucky that time," muttered Calhoun.

"Ditto," agreed Ralph.

"Don't mind if I took a shot in your place, Boxer," said Trigger Bomber. "The Long Jump looks to be my specialty..."

The next event, as he stated just now, was the Long Jump. Each contestant, regardless of whose team he or she was on, had three tries to jump as far as possible before landing on a sand pit without crossing the foul line. When Felix went up first, Trigger Bomber deviously painted an additional foul line a few inches behind the real one to make it look like Felix didn't jump far enough. Realizing Felix had been tricked, he tried it again, only now he ignored the fake foul line and focused on jumping over the real one. But just as he was ready to make another long jump...

"FOUL!"

Felix yelped in response to Trigger Bomber's call, slowing down to a halt slightly before tripping into the sand pit. "No, it wasn't! You cheated!"

"Sticks and stones, wimp. Sticks and-" Calhoun slammed Trigger in the face with a wooden paddle. "OW! I thought we said no weapons!"

"Not unless you cheated first!"

Since Trigger Bomber was caught altering the rubberized runway with a fake foul line, he was automatically disqualified for the remainder of the game, and Felix offered a free extra life so he could move on even if he didn't qualify. Though he didn't quite make it, Vanellope picked up the slack for him and defeated Mosquito Bomber by about half a meter.

"Blast!" whined the Insectoid Queen. "We gotta break that tie..."

With only three Chaotic Bombers remaining, Siren and Boxer took the shot at the Javelin Throw against Ralph and Felix. While Ralph and Boxer were at each other's necks by having thrown their javelins the hardest (and farthest), Felix was able to compensate for what happened back in the Long Jump by hurling his own javelin, with its distance being precisely on par with Siren Bomber's.

Ralph couldn't help but wonder, "Hmm...you seem quite strong for an artificial Bomberman, don't you?"

"What're you blabbering...ohhh, right! You said no superhuman strength. Ha ha, how thoughtless of me. I thought you guys meant nevermind..."

Felix sighed. "Well, if you say so...then I guess we lost the event fair and square."

"Heh heh. Told ya I was more into strength than speed! None can top this Punching Ring King!"

"I wouldn't get too cocky if I were you, Balrog," retorted Calhoun.

The fourth event took place at the 110 Meter Hurdle, where each of the two active contestants ran across the track whilst timing their jumps over the hurdles. Siren Bomber and Mosquito Bomber, however, weren't about to lose again, so they resorted to plucking the top parts off the hurdles and throwing them at Vanellope and Calhoun. While the sergeant was getting the short end of the stick (thus prompting her to fight back since Siren resorted to dirty tactics), the 9-year-old racer glitched herself past the hurdles to counteract Mosquito's attacks. In the end, Calhoun defeated Siren Bomber in self-defense albeit unable to cross the finish line in time. Vanellope, however, won the event, thus tying both teams to each other.

"Hey! You said no dirty tricks!" complained Mosquito Bomber.

Vanellope's anger flared up. "You did it first! Both you and Siren attacked us!"

Siren Bomber barged in to the conversation. "You didn't think we were gonna play fair, did you? And besides, your friend lost!"

"So did you, evil witch!" shouted Calhoun. "I knew you couldn't be trusted."

Next up was the Hammer Throw, with Ralph and Vanellope pitted against Mosquito Bomber and Boxer Bomber. Unfortunately, due to her lack of physical strength, Vanellope couldn't qualify, let alone defeat Mosquito. Ralph picked up the slack, but again could not best Boxer's sheer strength (though both opponents fouled the first two times). "Grrr! That Boxer Bomber's really getting on my nerves!"

"You mad, foo?" mocked Boxer. "Just face it: I'm better than you, 'cause I got the lead again!"

In the meantime, Vanellope was moping over her loss. "Sorry, guys. I tried."

"It's okay," assured Calhoun. "They're the ones who aren't playing fair half the time, not us."

"Fear not, Vanellope!" added Felix. "I'm gonna win one for you! I just hope I'm good enough at the High Jump..."

With one final event to go, the remaining competitors took turns jumping over a horizontal bar placed at measured lengths, with its height increasing by .05 inches for every successful attempt. But given Ralph's size, he couldn't get it right without hitting the bar every time, thus resulting in his disqualification. Boxer Bomber taunted him, though his jumping ended up being worse than Ralph's, because of his weight.

_Uh-oh...I'm the only one left, and everyone's counting on me!_

Turning his hat around, Felix ran for the bar and jumped as high as he could, but he could not make it the first two times. With one last chance under his belt, he mustered his courage to make it over the bar without touching it, not too concerned about Mosquito Bomber's progress. A few more successful attempts later, Felix finally nailed a victory for his team.

"You did it, Fix-It! You won the High Jump _and_ gave it your all for us!" Calhoun congratulated her husband with an affectionate hug.

Ralph smiled happily. "We're all proud of you."

Felix nodded in agreement. "Man, that was tough...but we showed them."

Siren Bomber stepped in to give her two cents. "Yep, you did show us, despite tying it up again. Mosquito, break that tie and beat Felix for me!"

"Okey-dokey!" acknowledged Mosquito Bomber.

* * *

Since both teams were tied, Sour Bill brought up the 100 Meter Dash again, this time using it as a decisive event. Mosquito Bomber deliberately broke the rules by throwing some Mosquito Bombs at Felix's lane, releasing a swarm of mosquitoes after him. Spooked as ever, he ran away, thus netting the Insectoid Queen a victory for the Chaotic Bombers.

Sour Bill announced monotonously, "All hail the winners of _Track & Field_...Mosquito, Trigger, Boxer, and Siren of the Chaotic Bombers."

Felix gasped in surprise. "But...but Mosquito Bomber cheated! They all did!"

"We're just too good for you!" Siren taunted. "And now, the Atomic Cherry Bomb goes ka-blooey all over you!"

She pulled out the bomb, lit its fuse, and threw it at Ralph's team. They panicked as they ran for it, only to get blown up. When the big explosion cleared, _nobody was hurt at all_, much to Siren's chagrin. "Huh?! But...I...I don't understand! That bomb had a nuclear symbol painted up front! We stole it from Diet Cola Mountain in _Sugar Rush_ before we ran into you! You should be pushing up daisies by now!"

That's when Calhoun smirked. "I'm afraid you've been hoodwinked all along."

"Whaddya mean we've been hoodwinked?!" demanded Trigger Bomber.

"Let's just say we came prepared, should another of your attacks occur again," answered Ralph, allowing Vanellope to explain the truth alongside him.

"When we found out about your arrival from Surge Protector, we stealthily made a trail which led to Diet Cola Mountain, while I had Taffyta, Candlehead, and Rancis pick up a Cherry Bomb and paint that nuclear symbol before putting it in the mountain. All Cherry Bombs are ordinary in the world of _Sugar Rush_. G'doi!"

Felix added, "We did all that because we knew you were still gonna get rid of us even if we won, not to mention you couldn't be trusted."

Mosquito Bomber held out the open palm of her hand in a "talk to the hand" motion. "Hmph! You chickened out when I sent my mosquitoes after you!"

"Well, you did scare me..."

Boxer Bomber snorted. "And Ralph couldn't strengthen his way out of a paper bag! Oh, before I forget, I heard you whispering to the little brat that there never was an Atomic Cherry Bomb at all. An elephant never forgets, ya know!"

"We did try our best in the game," said Ralph, "but everything else beyond that was all part of an act to make you crooks think you're beating us."

"In short, you inflated _and_ popped your own egos without even knowing it," summarized Calhoun. "But hey, at least you _won_ something..."

Siren Bomber snapped her fingers in response. "Ah, yes! The magic hammer, if you don't mind?"

"That, and a bonus prize to go with it..." In a swift movement, Felix "fixed" them up with a pair of glitch-proof handcuffs, each strapped to their wrists.

"An all-expense paid trip to the Fungeon, with glitch-proof restraints!" Vanellope announced cheerfully.

Mosquito Bomber gasped out loud. "HUH?! NOOOOOOOO!"

The cuffs electrocuted the evil foursome, and the _Sugar Rush_ racers hauled them off with Ralph and Vanellope's help. Thus, Felix felt like expressing his team's victory in a fashionable manner he could think of. _The bad Bombers were beaten because they were cheatin', says Felix the hammer man!_

Calhoun giggled at what her husband just did. "What kinda song is that?"

"Well, let's just say it was my way of expressing how it all turned out in our favor. I'm still glad I beat Mosquito Bomber for once at the High Jump, like you defeated Siren Bomber to save me."

With the digital copies of the four Chaotic Bombers imprisoned with glitch-proof restraints, their real-life counterparts could not log them out. Boxer Bomber, however, wasn't too convinced that he and his group were duped, for he felt satisfied with his digital clone's victory over Ralph at both Javelin Throw and Hammer Throw events. Trigger Bomber told him to snap out of it and come along to explain their absences to Purple Basilisk and Warlock Bomber.

THE END

(Ending Credits)  
Wreck-It Ralph - JOHN C. REILLY  
Vanellope von Schweetz - SARAH SILVERMAN  
Fix-It Felix Jr. - JACK MCBRAYER  
Sergeant Calhoun - JANE LYNCH  
Siren Bomber - RACHEL MACFARLANE  
Mosquito Bomber - LAUREN TOM  
Boxer Bomber - BOB CARTER  
Trigger Bomber - DONALD BROWN  
Sour Bill - RICH MOORE

[End Credits]

* * *

Hope you enjoyed my short fic, and as always, feel free to post a review!


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